So this has been official for quite a while but I’ve never posted anything about it on the blog! Poor 4th baby doesn’t even get a blog post until I’m already 18 weeks. That’s right, I’m 18 weeks now, which means I’m like, super duper close to being half way through this pregnancy already! This feels crazy.
I find that people are really nosy about this sort of thing and I’m kinda an open book anyway, so without giving too much information I’ll just say we weren’t trying but we weren’t not trying. And as for myself, this 4th baby was very much desired and wanted, but I was sure this baby was not meant to be since Peter was pretty ready to move on from the baby phase of life and move into the older kids phase. I got a positive pregnancy test on May 31 and could hardly believe my eyes, only because I was so sure that I would never get to experience all of this again. One thing that I have been loving about this pregnancy is that I know for sure that this is the last time, and I’m totally trying to savor every last first I experience.
I read this book a while ago called Great With Child which was a beautiful memoir of the author’s final pregnancy and I really wanted to write something like that for myself so that I could always remember all the details (and maybe someday Eva would like to read it when she is preparing to become a mother). But I already have 3 kids, we are church planters and homeschoolers and we were also in the process of selling and buying a house, as well as hello I was pregnant and soooo tired and not feeling well. It just didn’t happen. That’s ok.
So I was doing a whole30 challenge when I found out I was pregnant and I was doing awesome at it and feeling great! I was excited what a great, healthy start this baby was getting — until about 6 weeks into the pregnancy, the baby said “Hey I’m kinda tired of all these vegetables and meat you’re eating and I really just want you to eat bread, crackers and sugar for a while.” I have never been very sick in my pregnancies, in the sense that I don’t throw up a lot. But I do have a general nausea that is there all day, the smell of food repulses me, and I feel tired. I only threw up once (well twice, but within 20 minutes of each other) but I felt sick almost all day long and even though I feel better now, my taste buds have not gone back to normal and certain foods that I used to love no longer turn my crank, although I could eat them if I had to.
There were times in the first trimester that I just felt completely exhausted. I needed to have little naps in the afternoon, or big ones, if Peter was available to watch the others. Sometimes I just grabbed cat naps on the couch while the kids played around me or watched movies. A few times I even had more than one cat nap in a day which is totally odd for me. If I wasn’t falling asleep, I felt completely draggy — just no energy to do anything, everything felt like a massive chore and took me so long to do because I just felt so tired! At times I felt like this baby was trying to kill me.
Around 10 weeks I started to feel better, no more day-long nausea, and not needing a nap as much. I just felt my general mom-of-3-kids-church-planting-wife tired like I normally do.
I think we made it Facebook official around 7-8 weeks with that picture of pickles and ice cream up there, but we told friends and family earlier than that. We have always told early; this was actually the latest we’ve ever made it public knowledge.
At 10 weeks I had my first midwife appointment and was able to hear the baby’s heartbeat which is just always so amazing. The moments of waiting and waiting for that unique whirring noise of a tiny baby’s even tinier heart, and then suddenly, there it is “whoosh-whoosh-whoosh”. I was smiling for the rest of the day after that. I recorded it with my iPhone and Isaac loved to listen to it over and over: “Wan hear baby haht, mommy, baby in yo tummy!” He also said it was “kinda keepy (creepy)” haha.
I felt such a relief when I passed the first trimester and was 14 weeks. I have never miscarried but I feel I get a little more nervous with each pregnancy that not all will be well with the baby — surely I can’t luck out and have healthy babies this many times? It just seems you hear so many sad stories, sometimes I feel like I’m waiting for my turn. But now I am in the second trimester and the risk is way down, and that feels great.
I felt the baby move for the very first time when I was 15 weeks, I was laying in the middle of the stairwell (weird, I know, but I was escaping the children who were exasperating me) and suddenly I felt this fluttery little movement in my tummy. I didn’t even recognize that it was the baby at first but my heart filled to the brim when I realized what it was! The movements were few and far between at first, but now that I am 18 weeks, the baby is starting to move more and more and I just love the feeling. It has always been my favorite, it is just so amazing to think of that little baby in there stretching and moving around.
My next midwife appointment is tomorrow, I go once a month at this point, and my ultrasound is in a few weeks. Can’t wait to see the little bean on the screen!
As for having 4 kids, I’m completely terrified and elated at the same time. Since I began dating Peter I have always dreamed of us having 4 kids, and this all honestly just feels so right to me. That being said, I already have 3 kids and the struggle is real!!! This Jim Gaffigan clip made me cry from laughing. It’s 7 minutes, but well worth your time especially if you have 3-4 kids of your own.