The new year. All around me I saw people choosing words to be the banner over their 2014 — words like hope, dream, balance… I thought about it for a bit and wrinkled my nose, deciding that I wouldn’t be choosing a word this year. I do have goals for this year that I hope to accomplish, but I felt too much pressure picking something that I might end up not even being able to do at all.
But then I saw a post that really piqued my interest. Sarah Mae (who wrote Desperate: Hope for the Mom Who Needs to Breathe) wrote a post about how she was making her husband her word for 2014. Wow, I thought to myself. Now there’s a word for 2014. I mentally cheered her on, and clicked away to the next thing in my feed.
I had no intention of picking a word, but after reading Sarah Mae’s post, I kept turning the idea over and over in my mind and my heart. A few days later, I read Glennon’s post about how “happily ever after is not a thing” and how “you have to start over every day” and THIS:
“Sometimes I feel like marriage is more a constant relationship with myself than it is with Craig. I’ve learned to quit listing things he could do to be a better partner and ask myself instead what I can do to be a better partner. If I get stuck in comparison induced self-pity and start feeling like others have better love affairs than mine- I don’t need to look for another person to love, I just need to start actively loving the person I already have. Because love is not something to wait for or hope for or look for –it’s something to DO. Do not measure your marriage by how much love you feel today- measure it by how much love you’ve offered today. When you don’t feel love – DO LOVE. Feelings follow doing, not the other way around. Lasting, True Love is not about being swept off your feet. Sometimes love is just sweeping the kitchen and being grateful that there is a kitchen and a partner who is contractually obligated to share it with you forever.”
After that, I just knew that I needed to make this year #HusbandYear. I knew “Peter” had to be my word for 2014.
I experienced divorce first-hand when I was 4. Divorce is not something that just happens and is over, it affects you for the rest of your life. I still feel the effects of my parents divorce at 29-years-old. The next first-hand divorce I experienced was that of my father and his second wife, when I was 21, and last year, my mom and her husband’s marriage began publicly crumbling as well. I am deeply saddened by all of this and even more fiercely determined to cultivate, to nurture, to tend to my marriage. Right now, my marriage is in a good place. It is hard to imagine that Peter and I could ever be at that point — but I know too many people who have experienced their own divorces or intense marriage struggles, and never would’ve thought it would be them either.
Peter and I are currently in the busiest, craziest time of our life with three littles, homeschool and oh yeah, planting a brand new church that is about to launch in T-10 days. I couldn’t get it out of my head that there is no better year than this year to really pour intention and devotion into my marriage. Though I have other roles within our new church, I really feel that my main role is to support Peter in whatever way that I can so that he is able to lead the church. Sometimes that means taking care of things at home, sometimes that means literally supporting him by working alongside him, helping make decisions, being a sounding board, etc. I am going to take it even further than that, and try hard to do little things to build him up this year, whether it’s bringing him a latte and an encouraging note in the afternoon when he’s working, planning special dates for us, rubbing his shoulders, picking him up a little something that he’d like from the store, praying fervently for him, etc. More than just doing things for him, I’m going to lean into scripture and remind myself what God’s plan for marriage is and what his plan for wives is.
Here are some places I’m tapping into:
- Unveiled Wife & Wife After God
- Beyond Ordinary
- 62 Things to Say to Make Your Husband Feel Great
- 100 Ways to Make Your Marriage Rock
- Women Living Well
- Your Heart’s Desire
- The Love Dare
- Right Now Media (tons of marriage studies on there, if you have an account!)
- the Holy Spirit (He doesn’t have a website, sorry) and Bible
Please share in the comments if you are making your husband your word for 2014 and any plans you have for the year! I’d love to hear more ideas of things we can do to be good wives to our husbands.