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I Am A Terrible Mother

 

I never knew how hard it would be to love them.

To really love them.

To treat them as if they are Christ.

To love them in Spirit — love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control.

I didn’t realize that mothers and children are both equally sinful.  I didn’t realize that at times our sins, theirs and mine, would be like rough edges grinding into the other.  I didn’t realize I had so many rough edges.

Sometimes, such ugliness comes out of me as a mother.  I say things and do things that I do not want to do.

Yet, Christ continues to work in me.  He uses my children as a lens for me to see my sin — without them, I may not have even known it was there.  No other experience has brought me to my knees in prayer as much as Motherhood.

Please God, I need patience.

Please God, help me be self-controlled.

Please God, let me be a kind, gentle mother today.

Please God, help me be loving and good in every moment.

Please God, help me be a good mother to my children.

I have seen myself Mother without Christ.   Oh, I am a terrible Mother without Him.  I am selfish.  I yell.  I feel resentment.  I lose my temper.  And when it’s all said and done, I feel awful.  It brings my knees to the floor and tears to my eyes.

Oh, I am a terrible Mother without Him.

Oh, but his grace.  His grace is sufficient for me.  When I am weak, there is more room for God to work through me.  I call on Him, and he works in me.  He works on those rough edges, with love, and forgives me.

May I Mother in His grace today, and every day.

May His power shine through my weakness, as I lean on Him to make me a great Mother.

 

November 25, 2011 - 4:13 pm Michelle Wade - Thanks for this. I have been there, on my knees, in tears, ashamed many times. Praying and pleading for patience, self control. Motherhood is a lot tougher than we ever realized before we had kids!

November 25, 2011 - 4:13 pm Trina - These words could have been spoken right from my heart. Thanks for sharing.

November 29, 2011 - 9:44 pm Spirit-Lead Motherhood » Inspired Mama - [...] When I find myself in those moments of not knowing what to do, those moments of confusion, those moments of utter despair — whether it’s my son’s 8th screaming fit of the day, or not knowing how to answer my 5-year-old’s question about God, or whether it’s me on my knees again, weeping over my sinful behaviour that has hurt my children — it reminds me of how much I truly need Him.  These moments remind me that I am a terrible mother without Him. [...]

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