I’ve been living in the past for the past couple of days. Both literally and metaphorically (since the past couple of days are now technically the past… it is kind of like a double past). Sometimes my head spins with how much my life has changed in the last 4 years. I guess in the past couple of days I’ve just been wondering what life would’ve been like if I had made decisions differently. It’s not that I feel regretful, I guess I’m just lamenting that those days are over. It’s not that I long to be still living in those days, I guess I just wish I appreciated them more while I was there.
I miss high school. As terrible as I felt emotionally during that time, it was still a great time. I had some really fun friends. We were all pretty funny. I miss that sense of humour. I haven’t found it since. I miss you guys. Crushes. Drama. I hate to say it… but there is a part of me that misses that too.
And then I miss the university phase. Living on my own for the first time. Figuring things out. I miss when it was fun to be responsible for everything. I think it was only fun because it was new. Classes. My daycare. Let’s Start Talking. Apartment 404. My church family at Glen Elm. When Christ was BRAND NEW. Family being around all the time.
But you know what. I’m not going to camp there. I’m thinking about those times and I’m cherishing them and my heart misses and loves all those people. But if I spend all my time missing the past, I am literally going to miss the present. And I totally did not have that line planned, it just came out. I think that we spend most of our time thinking about the past or planning for the future. Or at least that seems to be what I’ve been up to lately. Missing people and times and waiting for the future when I’d be this or that or the other thing. So I’m going to start relishing right now.
I live in a beautiful city. Green. Ocean. Pete and I just celebrated our 3rd anniversary. Eva is about to turn one and she is our only child. We are all healthy. We are happy. Life is easy (relatively). I am a photographer (and that is just as cool as any other job that I covet). I am 23. I am surrounded by lots of young married couples my age and everyone I know speaks my language. There is a lot of life to come. I am standing at the beginning. I don’t know what is to come. Life could take me lots of places. Painful places. Places where I miss people even harder than now. Places where no one speaks my langauge. Where nobody knows my name.
Sometimes you wanna go where everybody knows your name. And they’re always glad you came. You wanna be where you can see our troubles are all the same. You wanna be where everybody knows
(the moral is enjoy life where you are RIGHT NOW!)